I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
