PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
