He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
