You just made me feel so damn special
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
