So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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