i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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