Do vagina's smell?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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