Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
