woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
