sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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