I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
