Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Welp...herpes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
