Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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