I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
