We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
