That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
