I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
