Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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