When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
