I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
