between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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