does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
