my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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