it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
