Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
