Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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