Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
