The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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