LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
