I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
