apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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