everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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