I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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