just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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