i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
