I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
