I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
