the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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