You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
