grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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