A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
