I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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