Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
