just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
