i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
