bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
