we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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