Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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