Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
