hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
